- Does the central claim/thesis mention the article the writer will analyze and how the writer will analyze the essay in question (the rhetorical strategies/elements being analyzed)? LIST THESE POINTS. If not, what should the writer add/subtract? Restate the thesis in your own words.
The thesis is well stated as it contains the authors name, the message she intends to pass across and her intended audience. The author uses a great tone and indicates good understanding of the topic which sets the reader on the right pace and tone. She brings clarity on the issue by stating that at first one would mistake the article for a prostitution related topic.
- Does the introduction contain general background on both a) the article that will be evaluated and b) the rhetorical strategies that will be used? List bullet points of the background contained in the intro. Is there anything the writer should add or take out? (Note: The writer must provide background on the article being analyzed, but it’s not necessary for them to give a description of all the rhetorical elements being analyzed.)
The introduction is perfect as it takes the reader to exactly where the story began and helps the reader understand and relate to the environment where the egg donation occurs and the procedures followed. However, the writer did not bring the background of the rhetorical components which should be mentioned just before stating the thesis.
- Does the writer move smoothly from the background information on the article (and the components of rhetorical analysis (Rhetorical strategies/elements)that they’ll be focusing on, if those are included) to the thesis? What works for you here? If the transition needs help, what do you suggest the writer try?
The writer began with a good background of the article stating what prompts the author to write the article. However, she does not move smoothly to the thesis statement. She failed to mention the rhetorical devices that she would discuss in the body paragraphs. Personally, I would state several rhetorical components immediately after a brief introduction to tell the reader what to expect in the body. The thesis statement would then follow up as the last statement in the introductory paragraph.
- Does each body paragraph contain a topic sentence? Does each topic sentence contain a point that comes directly from the thesis? List the points from all topic sentences in the draft (paraphrasing or very short answers are fine. You don’t need to recreate the topic sentences). Note: If the writer included a separate paragraph summarizing the article, that doesn’t count as an analytical body paragraph.
Some body paragraphs begin with a topic sentence which direct the reader on the main ideas which include:
- money is the driving factor for egg donation hence the influx in numbers of egg-donors.
- The future of egg donation
- Does each body paragraph contain at least 1 (and no more than 3) example(s) from the essay being discussed in those paragraphs? Do the examples support the topic of the paragraphs? Are the quotations INTRODUCED and properly CITED? What could the writer do to improve their body paragraphs?
Each bode paragraph contains a claim or two which are adequately supported with several examples and quotations. All the evidences and direct quotations are correctly cited from the text.
- Does each body paragraph contain enough evidence to really prove the writer’s point? For instance, if the writer says that Quindlen or Lopez stacks the deck in favor of her position and ignores other points of view, is there enough evidence in the body paragraph to really demonstrate that this assertion is true? Note which body paragraphs could use more support (or which body paragraphs have too much support, which might prove to be distracting or confusing), and offer suggestions on how the writer might improve those paragraphs. Feel free to use their best paragraph as an example of what they should be doing in all of their body paragraphs.
The paragraphs contain relevant examples to explain the major points and the she closes every paragraph with a personal opinion which is an indication of how wee she understands the topic and can relate it to the real world situation.
- Does the writer explain HOW each example proves their point? Choose one well-written explanation and tell the writer why it’s effective. For the other explanations, what should the writer add or remove to improve them (if they need improving)?
“Another important idea Kathryn wanted to inform the audience about is the future of egg donors. Introducing and expanding on this topic is very important because this can make the article much more relevant when the audience is reading it years later. “Unfortunately, the future looks bright for the egg market”. “Young women will be able to freeze their own eggs and have them thawed and fertilized once they are ready for the intrusion of children in their lives.” The key word Kathryn uses here is “unfortunately”. This sets the tone for the article and further supports her stance that she is against egg donation. Even though Kathryn is introducing facts about new technology with frozen donor eggs, she still gets her point across that she is against it. As a writer it is very important to introduce and expand on both sides of your argument or topic. Kathryn is simply stating why egg donation is becoming so popular and what it will look like in the future. This does not mean she supports it. Kathryn introduces great counter arguments by bringing up specific instances where egg donation has went very wrong.”
The above paragraph was very effective in delivering the author’s thoughts. It begins with a topic statement to guide the reader on what to expect. The writer then narrated the future of egg donation which claims to be very bright. She goes ahead to justify her point using a direct quotation to show that the writer does not like the fact that egg donation is becoming famous every day.
- Look at the way the essay is organized. Does the essay make logical sense the way it’s organized? If not, what should the writer change?
The essay is well organized. However, I think the writer delved so much on the contents of the essay and not rhetorical analysis. The writer should shorten her introduction to give adequate space for rhetorical analysis and should talk of the components of rhetorical analysis which author Kathryn uses to convince her readers.
- Look at the conclusion. Does it make the essay feel finished without just summarizing? What do you want to see more or less of in the conclusion?
I think the conlusion summarizes more of the article and not the rhetorical components. I would suggest that she talks of the strategic devices that Kathryn uses to convey her message effectively.
- What’s the best thing about this essay? Why’s it good?
The essay chronological flow of events is an indication of a writer who understood the topic well. The writer must have read and mastered the topic keenly before analyzing it.
- What’s the most important thing for the writer of this essay to fix or change? Why’s it so important?
The writer should include several rhetorical elements, which she intends to discuss, in her thesis statement. The writer should also drop the majority of her summary from her introduction since it is longer and a bit too close to the original. Cutting it down would give more room to work with the rhetorical elements mentioned in the thesis.
- If you have the time, mark any proofreading errors.
The writer proofread the work keenly since I noticed no grammatical error in the essay.